He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
