I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
