I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
