You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were destined to go to rehab together
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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