I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
