I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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