woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
