Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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