sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
