I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
