every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
