Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
