and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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