His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bring me that man meat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
