4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
