That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
