a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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