Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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