there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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