I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
