nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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