end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize