Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize