absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm way too hungover for life right now