i think my tv is drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize