i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.