The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just had sex on a roof
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
