You work out of a Hotel?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?