I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.