Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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  (703): How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time. http://tfl.nu/qie0
  Replies (2) Good night (1257) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.

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  (415): thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america. http://tfl.nu/loag
  Replies (7) Good night (4082) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.

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  (717): so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity. http://tfl.nu/nf2x
  Replies (20) Good night (5293) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth

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  (619): I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth http://tfl.nu/3dui
  Replies (15) Good night (2707) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

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  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (6028) Bad night (621)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out

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  (573): i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out http://tfl.nu/mqff
  Replies (16) Good night (1755) Bad night (5675) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

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  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1947) Bad night (15308)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home

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  (412): when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home http://tfl.nu/u8cd
  Replies (8) Good night (2987) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him

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  (303): Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him http://tfl.nu/pmln
  Replies (11) Good night (2195) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

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  (603): So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged http://tfl.nu/t25x
  Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.

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  (410): Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate. http://tfl.nu/gqhs
  Replies (10) Good night (1848) Bad night (812)
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  (415): View more from California

  STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU

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  (415): STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU http://tfl.nu/78be
  Replies (10) Good night (1667) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete

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  (516): New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete http://tfl.nu/uf35
  Replies (4) Good night (951) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.

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  (316): You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger. http://tfl.nu/ic08
  Replies (4) Good night (370) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  He can pick locks you know

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That's the reason for the naked stripper

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  (919): Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out (1-919): He can pick locks you know (919): That's the reason for the naked stripper http://tfl.nu/wpbv
  Replies (4) Good night (824) Bad night (138)

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