My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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