jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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