just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.