The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.