Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys

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  (210): Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys http://tfl.nu/9bus
  Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1262) Bad night (1920)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

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  (561): I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho.. http://tfl.nu/ry7a
  Replies (6) Good night (728) Bad night (1376)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work

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  (201): I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work http://tfl.nu/3682
  Replies (16) Good night (3367) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

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  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
  Replies (52) Good night (9827) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8918) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

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  (262): How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?" http://tfl.nu/pevk
  Replies (33) Good night (3312) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.

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  (916): Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much. http://tfl.nu/45kg
  Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (2104)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.

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  (618): You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel. http://tfl.nu/6eyp
  Replies (4) Good night (2292) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.

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  (908): Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay. http://tfl.nu/7deg
  Replies (5) Good night (1219) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying

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  (714): You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying http://tfl.nu/xa50
  Replies (7) Good night (728) Bad night (2140)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant

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  (248): she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant http://tfl.nu/st8i
  Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (1459)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it

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  (619): Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it http://tfl.nu/a0r3
  Replies (1) Good night (1084) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am

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  (602): I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am http://tfl.nu/mg4n
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.

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  (360): I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin. http://tfl.nu/4get
  Replies (2) Good night (772) Bad night (225)

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