yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
