new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
