watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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