My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
