Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
