youre lurking in front of me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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