Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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