Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
