Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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