I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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