happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
