I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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