i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
