Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
