Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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