you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
