So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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