Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize