How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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