I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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