Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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