Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
