she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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