Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
