in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
