Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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