I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
