I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
