sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS