You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
