you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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