I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
