im holly from the hills drunk
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
