I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
