We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
