Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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