I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
