I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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