A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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