I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i drank out of a bidet.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
