The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
