dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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