I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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