I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
50% drunk capacity currently
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
