then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
