Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
