Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
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just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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