You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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