i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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