Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
