I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
