I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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