I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Duck Duck Cougar?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
cat food counts as protein by the way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
