She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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