It was confusing and full of hummus
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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