A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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