my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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