she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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