Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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