That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh god it's open bar.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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