If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
