Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
