Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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