i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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