I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
