She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
