i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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