I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
