I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
