she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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