I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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